I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
