Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
