just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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