Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
