i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
