Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
