Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
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I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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