theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
