Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize