Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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