im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
