Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
