I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
