Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
