he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
