Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
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I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
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He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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