my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
