dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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