i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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