Three words: puerto rican gang bang
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
