I think my fart just growled at me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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