peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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