sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
