The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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