gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
