You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Are we still banned from the library?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
