Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
