i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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