Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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