Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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