Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
