Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
