okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
