Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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