How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
