a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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