Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
