Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
