so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
