It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
