a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
only you would photoshop your dick
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
