will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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