You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
im on a boat
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