Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
