I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I need help removing her.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
