Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
