So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
