We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
