I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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