Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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