The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
