What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize