U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
