Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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