woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
