mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
