I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
