Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
