and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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