Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
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I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
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I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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