We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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