I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual