Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We are two peas in an std pod
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks