My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
sarcasm needs its own font
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My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.