then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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