yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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