Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
