Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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