whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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