chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
