I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i will never coherently bang her
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
