Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
