did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
