the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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