Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
