Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
