there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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