I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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