fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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