I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
