does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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