you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
