Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
