i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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